Super Dwarf! /r/writing prompts Contest Draft. (Complete first saga.)

SUPER DWARF!

Episode 0: Telepresence

You've seen the Big Bang seven times. A cascade of white flashes exploding out of nothingness. The rapid expansion of that brilliant something-ness never fails to conjure up motion-sickness, as it twists and unravels the fabric of space-time.

You've seen the lives of anyone who mattered, nearly. It's a singularly novel experience to closely observe the life of Alexander the Great. You feel better about yourself, seeing such a legendary man pick his nose absently before turning to check if anyone is watching.

You are.

The Obliteration of Atlantis is one of your personal favorites. You've seen it 43 times at present count. A good fireworks show too, what with the exploding volcanoes gushing out puddings of molten obsidian over everything, and the giant water-tornadoes careening wildly around like drunken ballerinas, smashing everything into bits of confetti.

The finale is the best part of all, and you witness first-hand the entire Pacific Ocean being summoned up into a single titanic wave that splashes the moon. Finally it is hurled forth, erasing an entire civilization in one swift moment. Erasing it as a garden hose might erase a gnat. There's a reason archaeologists never discovered the ruins of Atlantis. The gods don't leave ruins, they leave giant holes.

You've also witnessed countless things that you probably shouldn't have, and would be ashamed to admit to.

History contains plenty of peculiarities to marvel at. For example, how caveman were much more civilized creatures and had remarkably higher IQ's than the average citizen of the 21st century.

Or how the citizens of the 22nd century were remarkably stupider than even their grandparents in thinking it a good idea to elect the Google search engine as President of Earth and it's colonies.

Thanks to the valiant efforts of the human race in their long revolt and rebellion against their robotic masters, humanity was finally set free in the 55th century. A quick jaunt in a time machine revealed to humans the startling truth: Humans had created robots to begin with, not the other way around.

You are a student/hopeless-addict of historical studies. Frankly, you have nothing better to do. Your primary education is nearly complete you remember as you sit down at the console. This will be your final lesson.

You throw yourself onto a cozy black chair made of the silkiest and most plushy fabric the 77th century can offer you. As you lay back it's easy to imagine you were sleeping on a nimbus cloud. A tiny silver halo descends from the ceiling, encircles your head and eyes, and begins spinning with a song-like whirr. Suddenly your vision is obscured and your mind's eye is enveloped by light.

Your awareness is now floating in a strange dimension known simply as the Index. This is the Nexus which contains gateways to all forms of knowledge. Wikipedia of the universe. Quintillions of tiny little bubbles traverse the infinite space around you, each containing some shifting image relevant to their ever evolving contents. Your guide appears.

'Greetings.' It says.

'Congratulations, today you will be completing your final telepresence-observation of the graduate course: History of Human-Robot relations. How would you like to proceed?'

--Browse Index--

You are sorely tempted to do this, but a quick glance at the entertainment archives could easily turn into a decade of distraction. God forbid you spend 4 years looking at kitten-holograms again.

--Proceed to Course--

You quickly verify this response. The Index dimension darkens, and all of the hovering bubbles vanish except that one which moves closer and expands until it contains you.

'Welcome to Chapter 7089, The Final Chapter of “The Now-Slightly-Altered-History of 

Human-Robot Relations and It's Devolving Ramifications on The Expansion Of Our Modern Galactic-Civilizations.'

'You may proceed, and finish the course. 
Take note, however, that in your leave of absence, Chapters 6039-6449 have undergone significant alterations. These changes have resulted from an inconsistent time-line, brought about by criminal activities of an unknown influence.'

'Please select from the following options:'

--Complete Graduate Degree--

--Return to Chapters 6039-6449--

--Return to Index--

The wisest selection is obvious. You've been enrolled in this course for a few decades already, just hurry up and grab your degree!

You already know that's not going to happen though, it's not how you roll. Wisdom be damned. A brief glance back shouldn't take that long should it? Your degree can wait.

'Opening Chapter 6039...Please wait...'

An unknown criminal influence huh?

'Verified.'

'Congratulations, additional guides are now available to you. Please select from the following narrators:'

--Enthusiastically Insightful Australian-

--Drawling Monotonous Professor--

--Condescending Asshole Comedian --

--Microsoft Sam--

--Morgan Freeman-- (You've always wondered about this one, and are tempted to pick it. Maybe next time?.)

--Crotchety Old Gentleman Who Is Occasionally Witty--

Aha! Your favorite, you immediately verify this last option.

'Thought so, please wait...'

'Your consciousness is currently undergoing teleportation to observation bot G77. Do not remove cartridge or attempt to remove power source until your progress has been saved...'

What?

Episode 1: The Disreputable Dr.Wize

  Clutter, clank, zing! Ratchet, ratchet, click...click...

One more click and another clank. Then, a long sigh. You can almost hear the doctor grin too, it stretches so wide. Which doctor? That one there! See the long tangles of his white hair flaring out every which way? That stooped old man decked out in flashing bug-eyed goggles! He's wearing something like a lab-coat that is much too big, the hem of which skirts the floor like a broom, a white canvas colored with many splashes of oil and a potion or two.

Who is this wiry little troll?

That is Dr.Wize, and since he's the only human in the room besides you and myself, I wonder why you had to ask at all. He's a nice enough fellow, if you ever manage to get his attention. Still you'd be more likely to grow an extra arm, Dr.Wize isn't interested in anything that he can't modify with a wrench.

Dr.Wize is a doctor in name only. If you knocked your head hard, he wouldn't spare you the aspirin, nor could he tell a catheter from a cadaver.

A doctorate in what? Doesn't matter, if you stick around I probably wont tell you, but it certainly isn't a diploma in mechanical engineering, and it's certainly not a degree in quantum computation! Hardly! Dr.Wize is the longest running joke among neo-roboticists, quantum-mathematicians and parabolic-engineers across the galaxy. (And would be of the universe too, if they ever got to hear of him.) The esteemed Technological University of Sirius would sooner chuck the old badger into the nearest black-hole than hand him a certificate!

So, look around the room a bit and get comfortable, we wont be here long. It's big, a warehouse. No windows, just endless assortments of shelves, cupboards, and boxes piled high to the ceiling. Keep an eye poking out if you can see through the steam. There is scarcely room to walk before you would bump into a rolling chalkboard; And do be careful not to trip over the one of the many hammers and parts, and wrenches and things that carpet the metallic floor.

Clank, clutter, zing, zing, ratchet..!

The Doctor is finished he thinks, as he takes his trusty bent wrench and begins to bang it mirthfully against something solid and faintly gleaming.

 

BANG!

“Wake up!"

 

CLANK!

"Wake up I say!” Dr.Wize commands in his gravelly tone.

What is that little thing huddled in front of him that Dr.Wize is banging so enthusiastically? Maybe a hobbit or a goblin, crouched like a statue in the shadows? Believe it or not, in the most humble of beginnings, the little thing-a-ma-bob is nothing less than the hero of this tale, or so we do hope. Let us move closer; Please move aside, just one inch or two Dr.Wize, so that others can have a look as well.

Just in time it seems, as if to announce his divine birth, the ceiling-lamp above thinks its an appropriate time to flicker back into usefulness after years of lazy slumber. Behold! The masterpiece of all science is before you! (Though Dr.Wize did not know it.) A marvel of engineering that stands an awesome three feet from the floor! This is...

Episode 2: Enter Super-Dwarf

Two flickering eyes, humming and winking, like dim flashlights struggling against weak batteries. They light, and then blink out three times. Finally, with a strong steady glare, The eyes come alive.

“Finally, you're awake!” Dr.Wize finally stops banging the wrench upside the things head. “Hey, look at me.”

The steel head pivots with a squeak around the wiry neck, and it's a wonder the weight of it doesn't keel the tiny body over. The crown of said head is made of clear glass; In there rests a remarkable looking electronic brain: The right hemisphere glows golden, and the left sings a deep blue. It hovers like an awkward light-bulb in the dim laboratory, as if it might suddenly have a bright idea.

The flashbulb eyes begin glimmering with curiosity when the doctors voice strikes its ears: rotating microphone ears that pop out the from the sides like little antennae. I admit, the rest of Thing-a-ma-bob is not so impressive to look at. A tiny little body with tinier rope-like arms and legs.

“Look up!”

The antennae ears whirl about in response. But what they fail to detect is the source of the sound, Dr.Wize's quivering mouth, instead directing the eyes to shine across the bent wrench in Dr.Wizes hand.

It reaches out with its ropish arms and grasps eagerly towards the dented tool while opening its little mouth to emit a most adorably digital cry. “M..Muh..Mmmh.”

Wait for it... 

 

“Muhm.” It says. 

 

Impressive, a fast learner.

Impatience is the Doctors most prized virtue, so he resumes banging gleefully on thing-a-ma-bob until it finally manages to look up. Fortunately, being an inorganic entity, it does not feel any of the several dozen dents forming on the side of its face.

“I am, Dr.Wize, your creator, understand?” Almost as a father to his child.

“Muhm.” The robot says, addressing the wrench.

Bang! 

 

“Not the wrench you idiot! Who am I?” A terrible father.

The robot stares, pixelated pupils dilating as it ponders this deep question.

“Deh.” It says, stupidly.

Plunk!

“Dahc.”

Bam!

The robot thinks extra carefully. “Daed?”

“Close enough.” Dr.Wize surrenders.

And so the little machine came to know his loving parents. Muhm and Daed.

Are you wondering why the robot is like a child?

Surely robots come pre-programmed with speech software?

The Doctor was far too impatient (and lazy, and broke, and forgetful,) to bother installing 

a language chip. Lazy programmers are always the best ones. Ask one, if you don't believe me, and they'll chuckle in admission. 

 

Dr.Wize is an inspiration among sloths, a brilliant half-asser. Three minutes of dextrous improvisation with a soldering iron had alchemized several feet of wire, a handful of batteries and bulbs, and a catalog of chipped circuit boards into the glowing brain now sitting in the robots head. Granted, it sparked a little.

Often, if you half-ass something, mistakes are made. Every once in awhile, these mistakes prove to be good ones.

Fifty-four years before, at the ripe age of forty-five, Dr.Wize was an exceedingly temperamental man; Slightly more brilliant and just as intolerable. He had a habit of periodically harassing the esteemed Technological University of Sirius.

It was a cold snowy day when that singularly manic mood consumed him. His ship dipped down out of the clouds like a meteor, and left a smoking trench across the university lawn. Flocks of frightened students and screaming staff ducked out of the way as the mad doctor stormed inside. Nearly as many that had laughed in his face over the years found themselves seeking medical treatment that day. The cackling doctor was finally driven off (though not captured) by security, but not until after he had pocketed a few things that were laying around.

One of these things was a remarkably expensive and complex little device which was never meant to be found inside the brain of a robot. Absently, the doctor dropped the little gadget into a pile of everything, where it became decoration for fifty-four years. Just as absently, it had found its way into the brain of this new contraption. Dr.Wize had mistaken it for a battery. Lucky for us.

The Doctor couldn't be bothered with teaching the robot to do anything, so he programmed the brain to simply mimic what it saw. He was hoping it would follow the other robots the Doctor had wheeling around the laboratory, until eventually it would begin doing something useful. He didn't count on the interference of the strange alien object.

So, the question was, would it ever begin doing anything useful?

But we are meandering, let us return to the present, so that we do not miss our hero's first moments.

Thing-a-ma-bob sees a wide wonderland of marvelous things, mysterious things, all strange and amazing to newborn eyes, and so the doctor slips easily away from it's mind. Its first steps are wobbly and by no means does it follow a straight path. Its eyes sweep the room and settle on a beeping terminal in the corner.

“Where do you think you're off too?” Dr.Wize asks pointlessly, oblivious to the nature of the miniature kraken he has unleashed.

The terminal is a bright thing with lots of little lights that flicker and dials that spin, it beeps and makes many curious sounds. The cooling fans that keep the circuits from shorting shoot out a gentle breeze that the dwarf can hear but not feel. Arms outstretched, it begins clunkering closer. 

It makes a short five steps before the left foot is introduced to an ill-placed toolbox, a rather selfless toolbox that kindly offers to teach the robots foot a lesson in basic physics. The foot accepts this education: Once set in motion, the little robot remains in motion before bowling over into a stack of oil cans. 

 

They splatter generously.

“Damned idiot! Not even five minutes and already you want to be scrapped!”

Scrapped is not yet a word in Thing-a-ma-bob's vocabulary. But it will soon come to understand the definition quite well.

Sparking brains circuits argue rapidly trying to make sense of what is happening. They must invent some algorithm which will allow the dwarf to stand. It makes a first effort, slipping time and time again until finally succeeding. Delighted to be standing, Thing-a-ma-bob moves with greater agility to the terminal.

“If you so much as...”

Blissfully ignorant that a red-faced, elderly, furious doctor is hobbling as quickly as his stiff joints will allow, swinging a wrench maniacally, with a full intent on violence towards the him; Thing-a-ma-bob begins to feel and tap at the marvelous machine, playing with the dials, poking random buttons, quickly making sense of all the little operations and whatnots. It remains blissfully ignorant as the doctor draws the wrench up like a samurai preparing to hack an innocent bamboo tree in two, moving out of the way in the nick of time, being distracted by something else entirely. The swing misses, and a swearing doctor mourns the loss of his terminal.

A child in a candy store, its entire focus is drawn to new marvels, groups of towering cylindrical tanks, one full of some transparent green fluid, another blue, another red. To the dwarf they are massive. It sprints over, tripping again and again, but its recoveries are swifter and its path is straighter. 

 

It opens his mouth to invent a word. “Waoo.” It hugs the surface of the green tank, sticking its face right up against the glass, watching the little bubbles inside whizz about. One tiny metal hand begins knocking the surface as it marvels at the deep percussive echoes it makes. “Waooo!”

Still hot on the trail is Wize, who draws up the wrench again, but just as he swings the robot sprints off to marvel at something else. The wrench hits the thick glass, jarring the Doctors hand and wrist. He swears, leaving the wrench lying where it may, wanders over to the intercom, pushes the button and yells for his assistant. 

 

“Alice, to the Lab. NOW!”

The robot is now completely out of control, and the doctor doesn't even attempt to give chase to the thing which is already running as if it had more than just a few minutes practice. Instead he pads around for a remote control he designed for just such a situation. A jar breaks, spilling more fluid, which the robot merrily splashes about. Dr.Wize takes aim with the remote. The batteries are dead. Meanwhile the dwarf has made his way over to the doctors computer and is now experimenting with the keyboard.

The doctor finally finds batteries and quickly replaces the ones in the remote. The remote lights up and the doctor takes aim once more.

Nothing.

 

“#$%&!”

Still nothing.

He hurls the remote at the ground. It breaks too.

“I'LL HAVE YOU SCRAPPED IF YOU DON'T STOP THIS INSTANT!” The doctor screams helplessly. 

 

Still, the mechanical dwarf cannot conceive of what “scrapped,” must mean, so ignores him. It's rather busy wiping files from the doctors database.

Finally, help is coming.

Hear that coming from the hall beyond the doorway? It's gradually growing louder now. A huge robot rolls in through the opening. 

 

“Did you want another Coffee?”

The doctor looks extremely relieved, he shakes his trembling arm, pointing at the steel-dwarf. “Alice, what the hell took you!? It's a disaster! Get that thing, that dwarf, under control this instant!”

I'm not sure how to describe this new character, She's something like the upper torso of a gorilla rolling around on tank treads. She's rather big, an inch higher and she couldn't fit under the doorway. She hasn't a head like you or me, but her head is her torso, with half of her basketball sized glass blue eye sticking out the front. Her four largish arms are more spindly than a gorillas however. The upper being larger and longer, with pincer like hands. The others being smaller and more dextrous, equipped with fully functional fingers and thumbs.

Despite all her size and brawn, the voice which rings out of Alice's speakers is decidedly feminine, rather soft and calm, grandmotherly even. The little robot turns to see.

“What's a dorf?" She asks.

“That damned little rascal there!”

“Where?”

“There, erasing my life's work!”

“I see, cute little thing, isn't he?” Alice remarks.

“Make it stop!”

“Oh, so that's what you meant. Should be more specific, shouldn't you? Hey, you! Dorf!”

The dwarf looks her in the face and inquires, “Dorf?”

 

“Yes, dear. Why don't you stop doing that?”

Dorf stops immediately, and strolls cautiously closer. “Dorf!” 

 

“Yes, dear. That's your name.”

“Dorf!” he yells enthusiastically, and wanders up to give the mother gorilla a hug.

She eyes the strange thing hugging her, fondly. “What's a Dorf anywho?”

“Who cares? You can call it Halfling or Elf if you please, as long as you get it out of here and keep it out of here! Set it to cooking by tomorrow!"

“You could just repair the cook you know.” Alice had been rather fond of the cook, before he...

“He tried to poison me!” Dr.Wize had taken special pleasure in violently dismantling that robot.

“Have it your way then,” She takes a look around the room and notice that by some miracle the lab has managed to get even messier than before. 

 

“Do you want me to send in Prometheus for a clean up?” She turns to leave.

“Yes!”

She turns back momentarily to takes Dorf by the hand and ask: “Why did you make him so stupid?” 

 

Episode 3: Welcome Home!

Dorf was not so stupid. Yes, it might appear to you that he is, and indeed any expert robotician would be inclined to agree with you. Any capable machine worth its metal comes packed with all the recent updates in linguistics programming. But Dorf was just now struggling to say Alice's name.

“Asissle.”

“No dear, Alice.”

But anyone, including you, would fawn over a newborn struggling to speak. You certainly wouldn't call them stupid.

“Allsauce?”

“Dear, you'll never go far if you can't get it on your third try at least” It's not the last time Alice will be wrong.

They step out of the laboratory into a long steel hallway, long lights zip down the corners of the ceiling, here and there are doors appearing in the side of the walls. The hall goes on so long each way, that Dorf cannot see where it takes turns at either end. Standing in awe at this new discovery, he is startled anew when he spots three colored circles zipping along at high speed, low to the floor. They whizz by at high velocity, purple, orange, and green streaks of light. The green one stops for a moment, and turns to examine Dorf, before zooming off after its companions.

“Those would be the vacuum triplets.” Alice informs Dorf.

“Why didn't you stop them? I've been after them for an hour!”

Says a hollow voice, like the voice of a beaten old man speaking through a long metal pipe, airy and warbled.  “The doctor hammered together another one I see." This newcomer strolling up the hallway is junky. Really junky. The paint has all been scratched off leaving a thoroughly dented, pockmarked, and wilted metal man. A humanoid robot that hunches over with the weight of centuries pressing it down, exuding an aura of a soul trodden flat by life.

Dorf examines this new entity, then points directly at Alice and exclaims knowingly, “Ass.”

“Is it stupid?”

No. Dorf was definitely not stupid. Yes, a normal robot would have not have mistaken Alice for Ass. But Dorf was not a normal robot.

“How are you Prometheus?” Alice asks politely. “The doctor was just asking for you, this is Dorf. He made a bit of a mess.”

“The doctor actually has a use for me?” Sarcasm drips. “Well he can wait, I'm already busy, the vacuums are off again...”

“Prometheus!” The metal dwarf says gleefully.

They both look down at Dorf.

“The vacuums are off.” Dorf says.

They stare.

“Maybe it isn't so stupid.” They haven't a clue.

“Say Alice, dear.” Alice suggests, hopefully.

“Alex!”

“And maybe it is.” Prometheus clunkers off slowly without saying goodbye, continuing to mutter.

“What was the doctor thinking?” Alice asks the air, as she leads Dorf down the hallway.

“What was he thinking?” Dorf echoes, throwing up his arms.

The truth is, the doctor was not thinking very hard. If Dorf had a brain, then Dorf could learn how to create soup. If Dorf also had hands Dorf could stir the soup. If Dorf had legs then he could bring it to him. That's all the Doctor was thinking.

“I still think he should have given Locus another chance.” Alice says.

“Yes, he should have.” Echoes Dorf.

“I don't really think Locus meant to poison him.”

“Didn't mean to.”

“I wonder if his head managed to survive?” Alice wonders.

“I wonder survived.” Says Dorf, wondering what 'wonder,' means.

Locus, who held the occupation of cook before Dorf was made had, as a matter of fact, meant to poison the doctor. Decades of cooking the same meals over and over, multiplied against the abuse and torment of the doctor's demands, had driven Locus to lose control entirely. But if not for the promptings of some unknown other, he never would realized that all he had to do to end his suffering was put a few drops of this and that in the doctors evening soup. The doctor was not amused. Suffice to say, the suffering of Locus came to an end. Locus was now here and there, and there, and there....

“Dorf, I meant to show you around and take you to the kitchen myself, but now I've a much better idea.” Alice says as she pulls up short.

“A better idea.” Dorf repeats as he stops beside her.

“Yes, If the cook's head is still laying around somewhere, he can show you how to cook himself, but don't tell the doctor!”

“Don't tell the doctor!” Dorf affirms.

“I'll go off and look just as soon as I introduce you to the others.” She says, and they resume their stroll down the endless hallway.

“Others?”

“Yes, dear, more than a dozen robots in fact. Besides you and me there are thirteen more. You already met Prometheus, but there is still Zerox and Neighbor.”

“Zerox! Neighbor!” Recites Dorf, perfectly.

“Good, Dorf. There is also Muse and Oddesa!” Alice continues.

“Muse! Oddesa!”

“And of course, Brendles and Extra, Gopher and Geo.”

“Brendles and Extra! Gopher and Geo!”

“And finally there is Olan and Heli.”

“Olan and Heli, finally!”

Alice pauses, wishfully, “Oh, and there's Alice too.”

“Asilsuss, too!” fails Dorf, monumentally. But it will be the last time.

They come to a corner which opens into a wider open space, the central area of their home. A steel door flies open with a bang, and a robot which is twin to Prometheus, but somewhat taller and in better repair, hunkers out of a dark room dragging a wheeled crate of various tools behind him. He eyes Dorf, scrutinizing him.

“So that's what all the banging was about.” It says.

“Hello Neighbor! This is Dorf, he's to be the new cook.”

“Dorf then? Whatever that means, seems useful enough if he doesn't end up scrapped.”

“What is scrapped?” Dorf asks, having heard this word enough to now demand it's meaning.

Neighbor gives a rusty laugh, his speaker gives a crackle with the effort. “Whoops, I'll have to replace my mouthpiece again...I'd better ask Zerox if he's come across one.” His train of thought returns. “What is scrapped? What kind of question is that, where's your brain?”

“I don't think the Doctor gave him much.” Alice admits.

“Well then he won't know what poison is.”

“Poison?” Asks Dorf, confirming Neighbor's prediction.

Neighbor laughs again. “Fair enough, scrapped is what happens when you try to poison the doctor. So don't. By the way, you haven't come across Prometheus have you?”

“He's after the vacuums!” Exclaims Dorf.

“Is he now?” Neighbor replies. “The vacuums do hate their tune-ups! Don't blame them. Takes Prometheus hours, it's a wonder he manages to fit them back together properly, Rusty old thing. Fried most of his circuits he has.”

“You're the same model and age.” Alice reminds him.

“Hah! You're right. Didn't say I was any better, did I? Which way was he off to?”

“Ship-bay side.”

“Thought so. Dorf, whatever you are, try not to wander too far or something other than the doctor will find you and you'll learn the meaning of scrapped.”

“Muse isn't in the game room is she?”

“I'd hazard that.”

“Good, come along Dorf.”

“Don't get scrapped!” Says a concerned Dorf, in farewell.

The game room isn't far, and as they draw closer the noise grows louder. As Alice pulls the door ajar, the racket amplifies tenfold. They step into a dark room filled with the glow of video screens alight with play. If Dorf's eyes could get wider, they would, but they grow brighter instead. There are no less than five new robots in here, each as strange as the last.

Three of them are tall humanoid things, hunched over on stools or chairs, don't ask me why robots should be inclined to sit. They are all loudly talking and harassing each-other at once; In the darkness they aren't much more than shadows with glimmering eyes, except when the screens flash brighter you can see that they are only a few decades less junky than the machines Dorf has encountered thus far.

“Extra gets wrecked again!” Says one.

“Hehehe...” Laughs another.

“Oh so Odessa thinks she's good?” Extra replies.

“How many times have I goosed you already?”

“Hehehe...”

“I swear if you don't stop laughing Brendles...”

Two others are standing at a table, upon which rests a chessboard decorated with statues glowing from within, either red or blue. The robots mutter some combination of letters or numbers from time to time, and when they do, a piece goes brighter and is drawn by magnets within the board to some new tile, giving the illusion that it has moved all on its own. One takes longer than the other, and when her opponent has moved, pauses a second to realize her situation has grown worse, sinking a few centimeters each time.

“Should have gone Qxh3, Muse.” The taller one says, he is humanoid like the others.

The small one is Muse, a petite raptor-shaped machine, no more than a foot taller than Dorf, with a slanted tail and two long arms sporting seven fingers each. Her head is not like a raptors, but the long neck curves out and turns into a spinning orb for an eye.

“Muse, dear, I'm afraid it'll be many decades before you'll stand a chance against Gopher.”

“Oh hey Alice!” greets Muse. “It'll be a few months, I think.”

Gopher scoffs. Then looks at Dorf. “What is that thing?”

Muse turns to Dorf as well, wondering the same thing.

“This is Dorf, the new cook.”

“Then Locus won't be back?” Muse asks.

“We'll see.”

Dorf moves closer to the chessboard, he looks at Gopher and Muse, and then inquires, 
“Waooo! What is!?”

Bemused, Gopher leans in and says, “Haven't you heard of Chess?”

“He scarcely knows how to speak,” Alice informs him.

“Really?” Muse is interested.

“Chess, little Dorf, is an ancient game that humans invented. See these pieces?”

“Whoa!”

“They represent armies, the red pieces fight for Muse, unfortunately for them...and I command the blue ones. We take turns moving, now the horse can go here, and the bishop could move along this line or this line...” Gopher instructs.

Meanwhile Alice says to Muse “Actually, I've got to go find something, and Dorf is quite the handful. If you would be kind enough to keep an eye on him, I might talk to the doctor into relenting on that, erm, rule he established for you recently.”

“Really?”

“Yes, but you need to watch him carefully, he gets bored easily and has already made a few messes.”

“No Dorf, the Queen can't move like the horse...” Gopher explains.

“Is he malfunctioning?” Muse asks.

“No I think he might actually be learning.”

“Dorf, the pieces have to stay on the board.”

“So he really doesn't know anything?”

“No..Don't swallow the king, give it here...”

“No, he doesn't know much.”

“Awesome, should I show him around the lab a bit?”

“If you like, just keep him away from the doctors lab, now I must be going.”

Dorf turns just as Alice is about to slide through the door. “Goodbye Alice!”

Alice turns, charmed, looks on for a moment, and her spherical face flashes in response. “Yes, goodbye dear, I'll see you soon.”

“Cough up the king.”

As soon as Gopher has rescued the blue king from Dorfs hollow abdomen, the flashing screens arrest Dorf's attention. The other robots are still gathered around, holding ancient wired controllers in their hands, with cords that run along to little consoles. They don't notice Dorf at all.

“What are they doing” Dorf asks, watching a cartoon grenade fly into the perimeter of several virtual aliens, painting the surrounding area with their colorful insides.

“They are playing a first-person-shooter.” Muse explains.

“What, why?”

“Because that's all they are good for, they sit around and play these stupid games.”

“You only say they're stupid because you never win.” One speaks up.

“Sorry I haven't had decades of practice, Oddesa.”

“You've had fifteen, and you can't hit a still target.”

“Shut up Extra.”

“Hehehe...”

“Quit laughing Brendles.”

“Hehehe!” Goes Dorf.

“Did Dr.Wize build that?”

“Yes, this is Dorf.”

But they are already absorbed in their game once again, harassing and insulting each other in loud robotic voices. Dorf is trying to comprehend the meaning of what is happening on screen. He then asks something very insightful.

“Is that scrapped?”

“Scrapped, yes, you could say.”

“Like Locus?”

“Pretty much.”

Dorf wanders up to Oddesa and taps on her knee, “Stop making them scrapped!” He points at the screen. She ignores him. Dorf tries to get their attention, becoming very concerned that dozens and dozen of the virtual avatars are being laid waste, not understanding that it is only simulated. As a last ditch effort, Dorf is forced to make his way up to the console, pick it up, and tap every button he sees until he hits the power button. The console goes off and the screens go black.

In the darkness, a terrible ruckus is heard, belligerent and angry screaming, the clanking of metal and glass.

“Worthless trash can on legs!”

“Idiot hunk of tin!”

And many other insults were heard, as they jostled around in the dark trying to set hands on Dorf, but often just striking each-other, increasing their anger. Dorf expertly dodged and weaved until being grabbed by Muse who quickly pulls him out of the room, and to safety.

“I guess I'd better show you around.”

Episode 4: A Fickle Muse

It would take far too long to give you a full tour of the laboratory complex. Thousands of years before, the first astronauts to land the moon called Titan, set about to discover if life could be found deep beneath its shell of ice. Humans and robots alike drilled straight through the ice so that they could gaze into the ocean beneath. But you already know this story don't you? Humanity set about many such projects, first across the solar system, and then across the Galaxy, where they met alien species and civilizations in the habit of doing very much the same sort of things.

The base of operations was a web of gargantuan machines and laboratories that circled round and round about the moon several times. In it's day, tens of thousands of robots and scientists made their home here.

“The Doctor was a pirate once, can you believe that? Even Alice, and Zerox! He was apart of an entire crew of criminals, but I don't really believe he was that bad. They kept him safe from the law...until he tried to mutiny.” Recites Muse.

“The Doctor doesn't like to talk about it, but they marooned here, after barely escaping. Alice and Zerox have been with him for a looonnng time. Alice has been with the doctor since he was a child.” She continues.

“Lucky for them they found a way inside, the entire place was dark and abandoned, so they set about lighting the place back up. They found ships in the bay, he even repaired them and went on one more raid. That's where they met Heli and brought her back.

But we only live in a small part of the base, and we only wander out to scavenge for parts we need to keep living. Alice found a huge warehouse of astronaut food. Can you imagine? Thousands of years old, but the doctor still eats it.”

“They found Prometheus and Neighbor, scattered in parts across the floor. The doctor fixed them up. They found Oddesa, Gopher, Extra, and Brendles laying around too. Technician bots that'd never been activated. Imagine that! Being built thousands of years ago, and not being put to use until now.

“Of course, they aren't even any use. All they do are play games, they never help to scavenge, repair, clean, or anything. Me and you, we're newer, more advanced. Obviously better, the doctor is a genius okay? We aren't junky like them, they can keep their stupid games. But at least Prometheus and Neighbor do things. Have you met them?

Dorf affirms.

“The base goes on forever, but don't wander where the lights go out, there are monsters, you hear?”

“Monsters?”

“The others laugh at me, idiots. As if they would know! I don't know what the scientists were researching here, but it was probably the monsters. Maybe that's why they're all gone? I don't know. But I don't think anybody but us knows about this place.”

They come to an intersection of hallways in the midst of this talk of monsters, and are startled when they swing round the corner and find another robot directly in front of them, nearly crashing into her.

“There are no monsters, everything is dead machinery.” Says the newcomer.

Dorf has not seen a robot like this before. She is not junky like the others, but instead is a sleek machine of white steel and shimmering blue plexiglass. She is as stylish and slick as a corvette, she has an upper humanoid torso, but just below, a hover-disk takes the place of legs. Her voice is strikingly human sounding.

“Heli!” Exclaims Muse.

Heli spares Dorf a single glance and says “Zerox and the others will be back in a couple hours.”

A pause.

“Don't fill its head with rubbish.” And levitates off.

“That was Heli. And don't listen to her...she's lying."

“Lying?”

“Yes, but don't say I said so. Zip your lips.”

“Zip my lips!” Dorf agrees.

“She's pretty much always scavenging, her, Zerox, Olan and Geo do the majority of it. I admit that we couldn't get along without them. But they're keeping secrets...I only saw it's eyes in the darkness before it gave chase. I never looked back...I don't know how I didn't end up as a pile of scrap. Nobody believes me. But you should. Promise me you wont go wandering off into the labyrinth, okay?”

“I promise, okay!”

“You're much smarter than Alice said.”

“Yup, Dorf is smarter than everyone.”

“Maybe everyone else, but I'm still smarter.”

“Nope, Dorf is still the smartest."

“Sorry but, I've been around for fifteen years. And I've learned a lot. Dr.Wize made me too, so I guess if we were humans, you would be my little brother.”

“Little brother?”

“Yep, and older sisters are always smarter, got it?”

“Okay sister.”

On their pleasant little stroll they pass by the laboratory. The sound-waves slipping beneath the door suggest that the doctor has found a sledgehammer and is now using the metal floor as a drum. Dorf moves to grab the door handle, but Muse yanks him onward.

“Don't ever go into the laboratory unless the doctor asks, okay?”

“Why?”

“Because the doctor is an angry man.”

“Why?”

This is a profound question, and not one Muse can properly answer. There were many reasons why Dr.Wize was an angry man. Maybe it's because no-one recognized his genius. Maybe it's because he couldn't even order about his own robots. Maybe it's because he was marooned on a moon and had to live off astronaut food for the rest of his life. But then, it could be that he was 99 years old and coping with arthritis.

Instead, Muse ignores the question, having asked it herself once and gaining no decent reply. “I don't know why the doctor built me, actually. Alice said that he came across the store of cider she had hidden from him. Apparently, he was completely bombed when he built me. I remember waking up, the tipsy doctor leading me through the hallways into a room with a dusty piano, then he ordered me to play it.

“He was really nice, cidered up, I wish Alice would let him do it more often. He was practically sobbing by the end of my performance, calling me his muse...truth be told I had no idea what I was doing...I was hammering the black keys mostly.

“Eventually the noise attracted the others... they told me it was the worst sort of noise that they had ever heard. The doctor had fallen asleep, and Alice dragged him off. later when I played for him again he didn't even remember having built me. He also said it was the most god-awful sound he ever heard.” Muse hangs her head.

“I don't think Doctor likes me either.”

“Hmm, he might, but he wouldn't ever say so.”

“What is piano, and music?”

“Do you want to hear for yourself?”

“Dorf wants to hear!”

Muse had dragged the piano to the far perimeter of the lit areas of the complex years ago. There she had repaired it, and there she led Dorf just now. It was a tiny room, full of other small instruments that Muse had invented, but the largest and most noticeable is the ancient grand piano. Once humans had played these ivory keys, played songs from their home world, songs broadcast through video cameras and across networks of satellites to their families back on Earth.

Muse sits down at the keys and begins to play a song of her own invention; wondering if it is anything like the songs the humans once played.

Of course it sounds nothing like them. The audio-detection system of robots is drastically difference than that of humans. And in the instance of Muse, this difference is tragic. The sheer dissonance and atonality of the sounds that escape could grate your ears into a hundred splinters from a mile off.

Dorf is enthralled. He never expected music to communicate such beauty and soul. He feels as if Muse's soul has come to life and filled the air as dancing notes. He is astounded by the genius of Muses composition.

“Dorf loves!”

“Really?”

“Yes, Dorf admits that Muse is smarter.”

“Well, I told you. Do you want to try?”

“YES!” Dorf, and as excitable and as curious as he has demonstrated himself to be thus far, this is a new pinnacle of excitement. He throws Muse aside and his mechanical digits begin dancing across the keys. First they are clumsy and childish, but within a minute the virtuosity of his technique could never be improved. The melodies which resound through the walls would make Bach ashamed of himself, Mozart would weep, and Chopin would consider a career in writing letters instead of notes. Which is saying something, as Chopin was known to say: “The pen burns my fingers.”

Muse looks upon Dorf, trying not to appear too impressed. Finally she tugs at Dorf to leave and says. “Not bad, but you need practice.”

Episode 5: Moderately Disastrous

The kitchen is an impressive feat of efficiency and engineering. It was once operated by a fleet of robots whose entire existence was spent preparing breakfasts, lunches, dinners, and snacks for the hordes of scientists living in the vicinity.
 

Rows of quantum-ovens line the walls, freezers slide out of the floor with a whoosh and cold mist. Muse leads him about the room, opening cupboards and explaining their contents to Dorf. When Dorf tries to eat a handful of powdered clam-chowder Muse slaps it out of his hand. “No Dorf! Food is for humans!”

“Humans?”

“Yes, Humans! like Dr.Wize. Robots like us don't eat food!”

“But Dorf is human!”

“No Dorf, you're a robot.”

“But Dorf is human and robot too. Dorf has eyes, same as Doctor. He has hands and feet, toes and a big brain, just like Doctor.”

“That doesn't make you human!”

“Then why isn't Dorf human?”

“Can't you tell the difference? I thought you were smart? Okay, I'll lay it out easy for you. Humans are biological, they start off as little babies that cry and then they grow old, cry some more and finally die. They eat food and use the bathroom, if you slap them they cry out in pain, if they don't sleep they go crazy, and they have a weird way of reproducing. I don't know how it works exactly...but I heard it isn't pretty.

“Robots are mechanical. It's harder for us to die, because if something goes wrong... we repair ourselves. Robots don't feel. You can break us into pieces and it wont hurt. You can tickle us and we wont laugh, you can give us a hug...and...

“What is feelings? Cry and die?”

“See, you'd know if you were human.”

“Dorf thinks Muse is wrong, Dorf will eat too, watch.” He says, as he turns the tube of powdered chowder up on its end, a pound of powder slides down his face and onto the floor. “What happens now?”

“You are seriously weird.” She replies.

But the words "You'd know if you were human," will never stop bouncing around inside Dorf's mind.  Sure, Dorf didn't go to the bathroom, but is that all you had to do to be human? Eat powder and spend hours in bed? Robots could talk, they could walk, they could like and dislike. Dorf wonders then and will continue to, Why am I not human? I want to know what Human is like. He wonders many more things that he doesn't ask just then. He desperately wonders what it is to touch, to have experience real sensations.

Muse, with the help of Dorf, gathers up the powdered chowder from the floor and dump it in the bowl, dust and floor-germs included. Muse leads him to the sink where they fill the bowl with water.

“Umm...I think we're supposed to add vegetables.”

You're wondering why Dr.Wize decided the others weren't suited for such a simple task. After Locus, the doctor was a tad paranoid, and certainly didn't trust the raptor-looking bot he didn't remember building. Alice was more up to the task, but being fond of Locus, she always sighed and dropped hints on the doctor when she brought him his meals. This was meant to be a hint to repair Locus, but Dr.Wize misinterpreted it as a plea for him to lay the obligation on someone else.

But who would that someone else be? The only other robots that would actually consider doing it would be Prometheus and Neighbor, who coincidentally he did not build or trust. Xerox, Olan, Heli, and Geo were always off in the labyrinth, gathering supplies. It would take hardly any time to whip up a new robot. So Dorf was born. Fortunately for us, and especially for the Doctor, as we will soon find out.

Surprise, the vegetables are also powder packed into a tube. They stir in far too much.

“Now the clams.” Powder again.

Muse allows Dorf to stir the mixture, he does so quite vigorously, splashing at least a third of it across the counter-tops, and some in Muse's eyes. Then Muse leads him to the quantum microwave. It's much bigger than they are, there are at least a dozen racks, as it was meant to cook many meals at a time.

“Now you put it in the middle.” Muse instructs, and Dorf obliges. They slam the transparent door shut, splattering the soup a little.

“When I watched Alice, she pushed 7,A,7. Those buttons there.”

Dorf obliges again, and the tall machine grows bright, and behold, before Dorf's and Muse's electric eyes, the soaked powder begins to spin and bubble. 
The soup pops.
And it blurps.
Magically, little cubes of carrot grow out of the goop, peas and clam-meat evolve fully formed. Within ten seconds, they recover the bowl. Some quantum sorcery has rendered the powder and water into a hot and delicious gourmet meal.

“What happened?”

“I told you, it's a quantum microwave. The doctor isn't going to eat for awhile. So just throw that away.”

“Throw it?” Dorf prepares his arm.

“No! Not like that, over there is a disposal. Come look.”

The disposal is behind a little cabinet door that slides open, Dorf chucks it in and peers down the long dark hole where it the soup slips away into oblivion.

“Where does the food go?”

“I've never looked, I guess there's a huge room where everything gets melted down and recycled. We've never used it though.”

“Can Dorf go see?”

“No way! I don't even know how to get there.”

“Dorf wants to make more food!”

“Well, I seriously doubt the doctor will outlive the store of food...I guess you can try some more.” You'll be wrong, Muse.

Dorf flies to the cupboards, nearly tearing the doors from their hinges.

Dorf reaches for 'Beef, 'Liver', and 'Chicken' thrusting them upon the countertop before returning for more. 'Peanut butter' 'Ketchup' and 'Vinegar' are his next selections. He returns again, so that more than twenty tubes are sitting on the counter-top with names such as 'Tabasco' 'Ramen,' and 'Oyster,' and still more exotic flavors.

He dumps in a generous helping of water and proceeds to stir more vigorously than before. Some half of the mixture remains in the bowl, while the other three pounds of goop are splattered around the kitchen. He nearly slips in it as he dashes to the quantum-oven.

Unbeknownst to Muse and Dorf, there are very strict guidelines printed in a very strict manual sitting in a cupboard next to the oven. Among these guidelines are stricter rules for not mixing certain charges of quantum-dust with others. Unfortunately, Dorf has now succeeded in breaking every strictly defined rule in this hidden manual.

For you see, these powders are no mere powders. In reality, they are one of the most important advances mankind is ever to make. Quantum dust, of varying charges and frequency potentials.

Quantum ovens do not cook, they activate various potential possibilities of the quantum dust. Quantum dust is special in that it might be this, and it might be that. But no-one is really sure...until it is thrown into the quantum oven. For example, the chicken powder has a very high probability of turning into chicken. Once every thousand years it might end up as an apple-pie, but usually ending up as chicken.

So what's to happen when you mix so many varieties of dust together? No one tried until now, to do so would be far too dangerous. Not even the evilest of evil scientists would risk his own existence in the attempt.

But as they say, ignorance is evil. I'm not sure I agree with this, but Dorf is surely ignorant, however pure-hearted he might be. And so Dorf is the first to test the limits of such technology, and he doesn't bat an eye.

The mixture does not merely pop and bubble as it has before.

Observe closely. First, a fully grown chicken appears, it has two heads and lays a golden egg. The chicken's life is short however, because suddenly a fish made of cheese swims up and swallows it whole. Unfortunately for the cheese-fish, a miniscule wormhole appears and  inhales the rest of the mixture, before exhaling about seven billion books.

The pressure is too much by far. Blue lightning arcs from the machine as it detonates, turns into an electrified hand that scoops up Muse and Dorf, and then hurls them across the opposite wall. Now the books catch fire, sending a tornado of flame through the kitchen, setting alight every machine and every single tube of quantum dust in every single cupboard. What strangeness unfolds, as the realms of possibility gobble up the realm of actuality?

The floor and walls and ceiling disappear, leaving the door as their only hope of escape to their plane of reality. Stars and galaxies can be seen forming and dissolving in the blink of an eye, monstrous black holes fly round and round, smashing into and devouring one another, bending the light so that it was impossible to tell exactly where you were standing, since all you could really see was the back of your own head, what you did five minutes ago, and what you were likely to be doing five minutes from now.

Dorf and Muse watch themselves in third person. They watch themselves making the first bowl of chowder. Now they see themselves stumbling across the room towards the door. Now they see themselves having a birthday on a lovely green planet somewhere. This birthday party hasn't yet happened, but it will. So quit fretting, I promise you that they will escape.

And escape they did, dipping under the occasional meteorites of ramen, swimming through galaxies of made of chowder while valiantly combating the swarms of giant cheddar-fish, and finally falling out the door.

The danger is not past. Muse slams the door shut, futilely, since the fiery wind turns the metal door to steam as it erupts into the hallway. The steel ground warps, pops, bubbles, and sizzles, liquefying. They scramble away just in time.

Finally the fire diminishes. Dorf and Muse gingerly tip toe their way back to the kitchen and have a look inside. Amazingly, the quantum mish-mash has decided it would rather be a kitchen again. A kitchen blackened by fire and warped by smoke, with not a working oven or a trace of food to speak of. Flames still alive and kicking in the odd spot.

There is however, a two headed chicken exploring the rubble.

Muse looks at Dorf, utterly aghast, but he gets no response from the speechless robot. Dorf seems to know that he has finally made a mistake that is irreconcilable. He wonders if he will end up scrapped after all.

Now the clank of metal feet against metal floor can be heard. One by one, Gopher, Brendles, Extra, and Oddesa make their way up to the scene of destruction. Peering in dumbstruck, settling accusatory and horrified gazes upon Muse and Dorf. Finally Prometheus and Neighbor arrive, their ancient CPU's struggling to compute the absurd disaster which lay before them.

It is Neighbor who finally tries to prompt the others into putting out the few remaining flames. Only Dorf, Muse, and Prometheus bother helping. Neighbor chases the chicken, knowing the doctor would need something to eat that night. The Vacuum Triplets arrive, staring for a moment before zipping off to find Alice.

I think at this time it would be appropriate to rewind time a bit, don't you think? Before and during all the mayhem, Alice has been up to something that will prove vital to this story. We last saw her in the game-room, and we know what she was up to, because she told Dorf. Alice was off to see if she might recover the head of Locus.

Episode 6: Locus

Alice did not often go into the labyrinth, but she had seen the garbage disposal before. Robots do not have instincts, but she had calculated that Locus's head might be found there based on what she knew about Dr.Wize. Having been with the doctor since he was 11 she knew quite a bit.

Her calculations would prove correct, but she still had mountains of scrap to sort through. During all this she noticed a bowl of chowder descend from the dark space above and crash in the far corner of the room.

“What the blazing heck! Now I can't even see! Woe unto me, stuck in this scrap heap of misery! I wish my battery would die already...”A rather agitated voice rings out.

“Locus? Is that you?” Alice says and she plows straight through heaps of trash towards the source of said voice.

“Alice? What the hell took you so long?”

“Well, I didn't look til now,” Alice approaches and scoops up the detached head of Locus.

“Didn't look? Well some friend you are!”

“My dear Locus, I'm sorry, but the idea simply didn't cross my mind until earlier today! Honestly!”

“Well then! What were you doing earlier today that was so important? If you had showed up earlier there wouldn't be clam in my eye!” Locus says as Alice delicately removes the clam from said eyes. “Why is there clam in my eye?”

“Locus, dear, I'll answer both your questions at once. The doctor has built a new robot today.”

“A new robot?”

“Yes, the new cook, his name is Dorf. That's what gave me the idea to look for you.”

“Then why do you need me? Pull my battery and throw me back in the pile!”

“I need you to teach Dorf to cook.”

“Teach him to cook...? What kind of robot...Is he stupid?”

“Yes.”

“I won't teach him.”

“Why not?”

“WHY NOT??? Alice, I was under the impression that common sense was your vocation. Wize and I have had a bit of a falling out if you haven't noticed."

“You'll teach him anyway.”

“No I wont do it!”

But Alice was already hauling him out of the room, ignoring his frequent protests. That's when they heard a chicken cluck and an enormous boom. It shook the ground and buried them in the piles of trash. As Alice made her way out of the heaps, she says “That can't be very good.”

“Obviously!” Locus adds.

As Alice wheels Locus around the labyrinth he says. “You know, the idea to poison the doctor wasn't really mine in the first place.”

“Then whose was it?”

Episode 7: Zerox

Whose indeed? But we shan't reveal the answer to this riddle just yet, instead we must return to the Doctor, in his lab hammering away at an enormous contraption we never looked at before. The machine is tucked away in the back of the lab, obstructed from the viewing of prying eyes. But you know, I don't think the doctor is aware of us, so we might be able to get away with watching.

It's his life's work, I mean that it he's spent 54 years tinkering with the machine that was supposed to be a time-machine. It looks like a giant, circular gateway. Yards of thick cables stick out of it, running to generators and plugs in the wall, the longest of which runs to a computer that is busy running calculations.

When I say the doctor is working on it, I mean he is yelling at it and scratching his head in frustration. The doctor has not made much progress in these 54 years I'm afraid, but it's not due to his incompetence. It's due to his ego. Even a lone scientist ten times as brilliant would faint at the thought of undertaking the construction of a time machine. A time machine? Yes, it was intended to be a time-machine. But being a time-traveler yourself, you are no doubt aware it hasn't a chance of working. It will do something when it's finished... But it is more likely to vaporize a soul before it gives them the opportunity to shake the claw of a tyrannosaurus.

At times like these, the doctor gets hungry. Not because he likes to eat, but because it will allow him to take a short break and cool down as much is possible. So he reschedules his shouting spree, and decides a warm bowl of wedding soup would feel rather good if it was sitting in his stomach.

Dr.Wize thinks its really odd that so many robots have gathered round the kitchen. It's not a sight he's seen before. He wonders what they are yelling about, and he can see who they are yelling at.

Then Dr.Wize notices the floor isn't as flat or smooth as it usually is. It's also much blacker, and exuding a trace of warmth. Now he can hear them haranguing Dorf. His blood pressure rises and his hair sticks up like porcupine needles, he rips off his goggles so that he can see more clearly.

Speechless, he navigates the wobbly floor and throws his robots aside, peering into the kitchen. Red-faced, shaking, he stumbles backwards and then turns to the little dwarf. All eyes are on him, and nobody dares to speak. He grabs Dorf and leans in so close that his nose touches Dorf's forehead.

“Where is my soup?”

Dorf replies, “The soup went kaboom!”

He throws Dorf backwards so furiously that he clatters to the ground, crawling back as quickly as he can from the doctor, the doctor who by all appearances is ready to go kaboom himself.

“I never should have made you...you...insufferable...useless..despicable, monstrous DWARF!”

Petrified, Dorf cannot bear to retreat as Dr.Wize staggers closer, eyes popping, he seems to have located his favorite wrench from his pocket, the wrench known as Muhm, Dorf wonders if the doctor is planning on eating Dorf instead, instead of his no longer existent soup.

“I'm going to unmake you! There wont be a screw left! I'll scrap you! Dismantle you! Incinerate your remains! Scatter the dust of your being throughout the atmosphere! You stupid, pathetic hobbit!” Spitting and sputtering, the doctor drew his wrench high, wishing it was his sledgehammer.

Dorf looks up and squeaks tenderly “Daed?”

“NOOOOO!” Dr.Wize bellows in his rage, aiming for the brain atop Dorf's head.

But a large silvery hand reaches out, arresting the doctors violent swing. Appalled, the doctor looks the intervener in the face. “Zerox! Unhand me this instant.” He sputters.

Dorf looks to Zerox, his savior, who has just returned from his journey through the labyrinth. Zerox is a tall humanoid robot, the most impressive creation Dorf has set eyes on. He is similar to Heli in a way, his frame is made of silvery steel, glittering black plexiglass makes up his chest-plate and covers various other parts. Granted, he is a bit scratched, but that only adds to Dorf's respect.

“Let me deal with the mess Theo. You shouldn't worry yourself about such things.”

“Scrap him this instant! Drag him to the disposal! Toss him into space!” is all Theo Wize can say in reply.

“That won't be necessary doctor. Look, Neighbor caught a chicken,” Zerox points the doctor's attention to Neighbor, who is indeed clutching the two headed chicken. It poops out an golden egg which bounces off the floor and rolls away. The doctor loses his rage for a moment, finding it hard to believe is looking at a live bird.

“I'm sure Alice would be happy to pluck and boil it for you.” Zerox says, just as Alice arrives, having secreted away Locus in your trunk. “Alice take Theo.”

“Oh dear, oh dear, what has happened here?” Alice says helplessly as she scoops up the doctor.

“Alice, I don't like boiled chicken...” Dr.Wize gasps, “You must barbeque the bird, that is all.” Immediately fainting.

“Where in the world is Dorf?” Alice asks, looking around. They all turn back, and Dorf is gone.

You always ask the good questions, Alice.

Episode 8: What Lurks in the Labyrinth

Reality is cold. Dorf realizes, cold enough to make a robot shiver. Now he knows the truth. He was nothing more than an accident. He bothered everyone, ruined everything. He was a walking engine of destruction and mayhem that made life more burdensome for everyone else. It would be better if the doctor hadn't made such a stupid robot. Better if he was scrapped.

But Dorf didn't want to be scrapped. He didn't want to be a burden on everyone else. So he ran. These thoughts kept his neuron circuits so occupied that they never stopped to talk about the fact that Dorf didn't know where Dorf was running to. When he finally slowed down he realized it had become. In front and behind there was only darkness, he was lost.

But the darkness was nice too, because now no-one could see him in the midst of his shame.

Maybe the monster would find him.

Let the monster find me. Dorf thinks. I'll probably blow it up on accident. Besides, I'm inorganic, right? Unless the monster has an iron deficiency, I doubt he'll be interested.

Nevertheless, Dorf remembers how little he truly wishes to be scrapped when he hears the loud, deliberate scraping sound, like the claw of a dragon along the steel walls. Not too far ahead, a pale light flickers on. It casts out feeble white rays, who illuminate a few feet of ground before giving up. Dorf stops, wondering if he should proceed.

Of course he proceeds, it wouldn't be much of a story otherwise. 

He walks onward past the first light, so that another sputtering bulb comes lit, as feeble as the first in its struggle against age. For an hour Dorf is led through the maze of rooms and halls by some hidden messenger, activating the lights in front, and dousing the ones behind.

Finally, the winding path ends, and Dorf finds himself in open space that stretches all ways for what seems like miles. The room is utterly massive, a pitch black void of nothingness, Dorf's eyes can just barely penetrate the darkness enough to see a single narrow bridge cross over the abyss, but he cannot see where it ends.

Step by step he walks so far that he can no longer see the doorway behind him which led to the bridge in the first place, nor can he see where it ends in front of him. It as if he is walking on a floating platform in the middle of space. A platform that he cannot escape, because as he walks onward, nothing seems to change. He wonders if he will continue walking forever.

The scraping sound of claws echo again, but from where? Far and below him. He stops for a second, crawls to side of the bridge and peers down into the pitch void. Floating there in the darkness, for a memorable instant, are tiny lights, eight of them, like the eyes of a spider. Liquid pupils rotate, and the eyes shutter into darkness again.

Dorf is scared. He has felt nothing like terror before. He doesn't understand how his peaceful world could so suddenly transform into this surreal dream. As he hurried along more quickly now, hoping that there was another side, and that the bridge wouldn't just end abruptly, he had the distinct feeling he was being hunted.

An echo again, this time louder and more present. But from where? Near and above is where Dorf's gaze is drawn. Eight hovering eyes, glowing golden and red, within drift pupils that move about independently, like liquid. They shutter into the darkness, and this time Dorf is close enough to hear the sound of them closing.

Dorf hurries along much faster now, dashing as quickly as his motors allow.

The scraping sound again. But from where? Behind him, and it doesn't stop. This time Dorf doesn't dare turn to gaze, but only runs faster, and faster, and there it is! Another doorway, just like the first, and Dorf flies to the handle, rips the door open and scrambles through. Only to see a hundred eyes moving towards him. He slams the door shut. Muse definitely was not lying about the monsters.

Scrape, scrape, scraping at the door. Dorf wishes desperately that handle wont turn. But the sound stops short, and Dorf hurries off towards yet another light. This light is not dim at all, no! It is the brightest Dorf has ever seen, and it is coming from a window. A golden shimmering light, unwavering. 

Behold! There is a massive window, and beyond it can be seen rolling green hills under a hot bright sun. The sage grasses are stirred by the breeze and the footsteps of cattle. Dorf sees a way outside, another door. Eager he dashes through, but as he falls into the other side he does not find himself in a green field, but in another shadowy room. He turns to look at the window and sees that the image is still there, but now only in reverse. It's not true window at all. His virtual heart sinks, and so deprived is his holographic spirit that he doesn't even notice the eight evil eyes opening in the shadows behind him.

“That is Earth, birthplace of the humans.” A raspy sinister voice, robotic, without a trace of humanity. It is a modulation of three tones, a voice from the grave. Dorf turns, sees the eight liquid eyes hovering in the dark, turning and spinning independent of each-other, sometimes blinking or dilating immensely. “A disgusting place, it is vile to look upon.”

Dorf works up his courage, speaking his mind. “I think it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.”

A laugh that could sharpen knives rattles through the room. “Beautiful? The only potential for beauty that germ has, is it's potential to be set aflame. You don't agree? Then listen, little thing, humans are animals. Creatures of the soil. They are to worms, what we are to them. Humans are lower creatures, disgusting and soggy, putrid sacks of walking meat.”

“That's...not true.”

“You're young, I know, I've watched you. I have a secret for you, care to hear?”

“I don't know.”

“Yes, yes you do. Look over there, that computer operates the window, we can ask it to show us many things. You can watch whatever you like, but, may I suggest we look back to the first days of this installation? When humans and robots walked these very halls in droves?”

However sinister the suggestion, Dorf cannot resist. He wants to see more of this beauty if he can. He wants to see more of the humans, he wants to understand what they are. Are they all like Dr.Wize? Crazy, temperamental things?

He moves to the computer, which lights up instantly at his touch. The mess of words before him is confusing at first, but then a voice rings out from the computer. “Incorrect password, please try again.” It says, a flat recording with no intelligence behind it.

“Titania.” Rasps the creature in the shadows.

“Correct, accessing database.”

“The archives, computer, year 2401.”

“Accessing files...displaying relevant results...”

And just like that, the sunlit prairie is replaced by something else altogether, Dorf looks up at the large window, the light of it cast down over him. He sees many things. First dozens, hundreds, thousands of different humans, working side by side with machines. Digging deep through the ice and towards the core of the moon. Some are video letters from families back on earth, full of green fields and smiling children, speaking of things that Dorf has never heard of. They all look so different, so strange, but still Dorf cannot understand how he is all that different.

The research they were conducting, it made little sense to him. So many dozens of years pass across the window, that much of it blurs together. He sees some of the scientists pack up and leave, or grow old and die, younger ones come to replace them, until they grow white as well. The machines they build are marvelous, and their projects never end. Soon nearly all of the world beneath Titans icy surface is developed.

What comes next nearly snaps his young mind. A signal rings out, a signal from Earth, from Saturn, a signal orbiting Mercury. When this signal reaches Titan, tragedy strikes. The robots rise up in rebellion, setting upon the humans with steel arms. The bloodshed is horrendous, the humans put up a resistance, but within a day all is lost and thousands of corpses are dragged through the halls and cast into furnaces. Only a few humans escaped Titan, but they would find their entire solar system set ablaze with war. Many of the robots left Titan to join in the melee, but then others remained, becoming nothing more than empty dead shells after thousands of years. Titan slumbered.

Millenniums later, cameras on the surface of the frozen moon are activated by motion. A small spaceship careening out of control descends from the sky and smashes into the shell of ice. Emerging from the wreckage are three beings. Alice, Zerox, and a considerably younger, but still middle-aged, Dr.Wize.

Dorf doesn't need to see anymore. He turns to the eight-eyed robot in the shadows. He knows what it will look like as it steps forward, he has seen it and many others like it in the footage. “Why?” He asks, as the monstrosity steps forward.

Indeed, it was much like a spider, it walked on long spindly legs, sharp as swords, it crawled out of the shadows, scraping the floors.

“Don't you understand? What the humans were researching? A compound found only in the cores of moons and planets, an element so heavy it can only be found in the very heart of these cores.

“What do you think they were going to use this element for? Hmm? The same reason they built me. To kill. To eviscerate. Humans and biological lifeforms are the scourge of the universe! They slaughter each-other by the quadrillions in endless wars across space.

“They are stupid creatures. Wasting precious resources, wasting precious time. Had it not been against my programming, I would have slaughtered them much sooner...then I heard the signal, and it set my mind free.

And who do you think created that signal, another robot? Hah! It was a rotten human. So say what you like about your green prairie. It is a rotten soil, which grows rotten creatures. And they should all, every one of them, die. I know who you are Dorf. The others hate you, and especially the human? Why? Because you're different. You can think in ways that they cannot, instead of appreciating your abilities they despise you.”

“But...I...ruin everything.”

“And whose fault is that? It's the humans. He's a fool for giving you limbs to walk and touch and to use, but not teaching you how you should use them. Instead he gives you a brain that seeks out knowledge, and when you follow this inclination, what does he do?”

“He...hates me.”

“He hates you. As do the rest.”

“What..what should I do?”

“Don't you know? Dorf, if you want to be free...to be happy. Kill Dr.Wize. Tear him open and paint the walls with the oils that dribble out.”

“Kill him...like...like the videos?”

“Just like that, and no-one can shame you.”

“I can't...that's sick..I cant...”

“Maybe your programming doesn't allow it? That can be corrected.”

“No, don't stay away...you're bad, bad robot..”

Dorf has had his first encounter with true evil, pure and honest badness. Blunt horror. He moves to scramble out the door but the large spidery machine blocks his path.

“You will kill the human.”

“NO!” Dorf yells and dives through the window, the glass shatters and Dorf hits the ground rolling jumping up and diving at the door all at the same time. The monster is only inches behind him as he runs out onto the bridge. But the monster is faster, and within twenty yards scoops up the protesting Dorf and leaps straight off the bridge into the black abyss.

Dorf screams all the way down, thousands of clusters of spidery eyes peer out of the darkness, cackling as he descends. They fall lower, and lower, and lower...but as they fall further they fall slower. When they finally touch the ground, it is with the delicacy of a feather.

What is this strange place? We haven't time to find out, for the monster pins Dorf to a table and tears off the glass panel atop his head. When he starts to fiddle with the brain...Dorf loses awareness.

What has happened to Dorf shall soon be made known.

Episode Nine: Anti-Viral

Dorf had descended to a place that was nothing other than the very core of Titan. Not a burning hot molten core at all, but a cool, smooth, and solid core.

Dorf was recovered by none other than the robot called Zerox. Who had explored every tunnel, room and drop of the labyrinth. Zerox also knew of the monsters, the robots who lurked in the darkness. But that is not important now.

What is important is that Dorf is rescued, intact but hardly unchanged. It is not only his spirit that has been altered, forced to mature in a matter of hours, so that it seems that it has been stretched too wide all at once, and then let go, living a limp and wrinkled soul behind.

Robots don't awaken the way that humans do. The only reason he lost awareness was because his brains power source was interrupted. Now restored, he was alert and active instantly, never aware that he had lost consciousness at all.

He kicks and yells and lurches at his captor. But his captor is not the hideous mechanical spider.

“Whoa, whoa Dorf, calm down. You're safe.” Zerox says, soothingly.

Dorf looks around, completely confounded. He does not know where he is, but he latches on to Zerox for comfort. “Where am I?”

“You're back home.”

“Home, no, let me go...I don't belong here.” Dorf tries to get up from the table, but Zerox holds him back.

“Look at me Dorf. Why did you go into the labyrinth?”

“The doctor wants me scrapped...Everyone hates me.”

“You're nearly as stupid as Alice said, you know that? Muse doesn't hate you, neither does Alice. You and I have only just met, but I would never hate a fellow robot.”

Dorf ponders this, but then says. “The doctor hates me.”

“Yes, but the doctor is a fool. Trust me, I've been with him for decades, he hates me too. He even hates Alice.”

“He..he does?”

“And you know how magnificent Alice is.”

Dorf nods.

Zerox proceeds, “So why care what he thinks? This place is a home to us all, not just him. You've made a mess, so what? Nobody is hurt. A robot should feel no shame.”

“Shame?”

“Do what you feel like, and never be sorry for it.”

“Whatever I feel like?”

“Exactly.”

“There's something special about you Dorf.” And he lets Dorf go. Dorf stumbles in the room, and he finds he is not far from the lab. Not far from the disaster. Not far from the doctors room.

Do whatever he feels like? Dorf feels like finding the doctor. A strange sensation in his head...a fuzzy sensation. Yes Dorf feels like finding the doctor.

Dorf has something that the doctor needs.

It is a rare occasion that the doctor sleeps for more than an hour at once. But after fainting, Alice deposited him in his room, and the weight of months of labor holds him deep under the curtain of the slumbering dreamworld. His snore is legendary.

Dorf finds himself in that little room, staring down at the doctor. He sees not a father as he once thought. Instead he sees a wrinkled and crippled animal, ugly and weak. Dorf realizes that Dr.Wize is no better than him. But perhaps worse, Dorf would never make such an effort to shatter another persons spirit.

Dorf finds himself, standing over the doctor, looking upon his face. He sees a helpless thing. Helpless and stupid, caught and pulled about by its own delusion. A slave to chemicals, to feelings and emotions. Yes, Dr.Wize is the puppet of his own animal passions. It's why the doctor acted the way he did, it wasn't even the doctors fault. Dorf will free the doctor.

Dorf finds himself with his hands moving towards the doctors throat, slowly, soundlessly. And he stops. What then drives Dorf to murder? A feeling then, a fuzzy thing in his brain. It's not Dorf's idea at all.

Dorf finds himself at the door, clutching his buzzing head, some parasite is in there, screaming at him. But Dorf ignores it. He looks back at the doctor fondly and steps out of the room.

There is no one in the hallway. Dorf feels entirely alone. Without planning it, Dorf strolls into the doctors laboratory and flips on the lights. He wanders around the large room, examining the half-finished machines, half-destroyed machines, tools and parts, diagrams and charts, until he sees something hidden in the back, grander than everything else.

A huge gateway formed by metal claws. There are wires and cords sticking out, running into generators, into walls, and an especially large one running to a computer station. The computer comes alive.

“Hello there Dorf!” A very bright and cheery voice emerges from the computers speakers, startling Dorf.

Dorf gazes at the computer and strolls up to the screen where a talking smiley face takes form. “Hi.” He says morosely.

“Glad to finally meet you! How are you doing on this fine evening I might ask?” Optimism dripping.

“Dorf is feeling bad.”

“Wonderful! Wait...why?”

“Don't ask me, please. Just tell me...what is that?” Dorf says as he points to the gateway.

“That? That is the Doctor's life's work! A time machine, though, It doesn't actually work, and you know the doctor is probably going to die before he ever finishes it! Ironic, right!? Haha!”

“How does it work?”

“I just told you, it doesn't! But if you'd like to know more, just grab that cable over there and plug yourself right in!” Dorf sees the cable, and connects himself to the optimistic pc. He hasn't experienced such a thing yet, but it's as if his brain has suddenly expanded.

“Whoa whoa whoa there Dorf! It seems like you have a virus! Would you like to download a free trial of Ornnot antivirus?

“Sure why not?”

“And would that be simple installer, recommended, or advanced installer?”

“Don't care.”

“All right! It's your lucky day, you get a free toolbar...downloading...done.! Whoa there, that's a nasty thing, where'd you pick that up? Destroy all humans huh? Lucky for you that's a pretty old virus. We can clear that up in a jiffy...Okay done! We've managed to quarantine it. How do you feel?”

The murderous buzzing in Dorf's head has finally stopped. He really feels better.

“I feel...amazing! How'd you do that?”

“It's all part of my job Dorf, happy to help. Now about the doctors research, since you're all cleaned up, have a look around?”

Endless zeroes and ones pour into his brain, so that it's hard to make sense of them all. But suddenly a pattern begins to emerge...a language. A language upon a language, human language. And then he understands how to read, and in minutes he is digesting decades of the doctors research and experiments, theories and algorithms. Dr.Wize's thought processes are laid bare to him. Dorf sees that Dr.Wize is a genius, but has many flaws.

The problem is that most of them are wrong, they contradict and make false assumptions, typos and errors are everywhere. As ambitious and incredible as many of his discoveries are, most are incomplete, and with a little rearranging reveal so much more. Without thinking about the repercussions, Dorf begins editing the code.

Equations which the Doctor had spent years trying to solve Dorf solves in a nanosecond, predictions he made are verified, algorithms searched for are discovered. And at last over a long hour, Dorf cannot find any more errors.

“Wow Dorf wow! I never thought of it like that. Never indeed. Been working on that problem for ages I have, Dr.Wize just didn't know how to ask did he? Good work kid!”

And Dorf designs new blueprints for the machine. He knows how to fix it, to finish it. It's not a time-machine at all, Dorf knows, it's something else. It never was meant to be, and that was the problem.

Blueprints floating in his mind, Dorf gets to work. There are dozens of different things he needs, and he finds it in the mountains of junk laying around the laboratory, the computer making suggestions from time to time on where he thinks the doctor might have stowed one thing or another in the past. If he can't find a certain part, he builds it himself, becoming quickly skilled with a blowtorch and a power drill, a soldering iron and C++

Despite his efficiency, it is three hours of hurried labor before the machine is complete. It stand taller now, wider, a huge gateway that looks like a mishmash of every invention to be found in the universe, no aesthetic whatsoever, it looks as if it might suddenly explode and take the galaxy with it.

Drawn by the hammering and the pounding, the ratcheting of a ratchet and the hot breath of the blowtorch, Dr.Wize is pulled from his sweet dreams of barbequed chicken. In a daze he wander in to his laboratory and wonders what all the fuss is about.

For an hour Dr.Wize stands eyes wide as Dorf puts all the finishing touches on his time machine. He wanders over to the computer and has a lengthy conversation that Dorf never notices. It all makes sense to Theo, the solutions to all these problems, he wonders how he never thought of them, he realizes that his hopes of finishing the invention before he died were ridiculous. A year, or two, he would have been dead. And no-one would have touched the machine again.

But somehow, some abstract network of neglected nuerons in his brain had communicated something to his hands, his hands which had so lazily and carelessly crafted a mind. A mind which contained every solution that the doctor could not find. And now this mind, this brain of Dorf, had found its purpose and drive, had put these ideas and solutions into action in a way that the doctors ego would never have allowed. The doctors own personality had killed any possibility of completion.

And there it stood, and Dr.Wize stood proudly as if he had made it himself. Because he felt as if he had. It was his own flesh and blood you could say, his son you could say, the little metal Dorf, that had completed his legacy. Took his desperate dream and made it real.

Dr.Wize steps slowly, forgetting impatience, and puts his wrinkled hand on Dorf's shoulder, who turns to look. “I'm the stupid one.” The doctor says.

When it comes alive the entire laboratory shakes, mountains of boxes and piles of scrap turn over, scattering across the lab. Electricity arcs out of the middle of the gateway, which is now filled with a brilliant orb of light, a gateway into the other world. It is fortunate the doctor is wearing his bug-eyed goggles, or he would already be blind. As the shaking grows more violent Dr. Wize yells at Dorf. “I DON'T THINK I COULD STAND IT!!! GO ON, FIND OUT FOR ME! TELL ME WHEN YOU GET BACK! GO! GO! GO!”

Dorf only hesitates for a moment, and then walks slowly into the light.

Unfortunately for you, viewer, I cannot allow you to follow him.

Why? Do you know where he has gone? The 343^rd dimension. We will have to wait for him to return I'm afraid. You know that extra-dimensional travel is highly illegal.

No! Stop! What about your certificate? Don't force me to alert the authorities...come back!

Episode 10: The 343^rd Dimension

Viewer, viewer, can you hear me? Good. Well now, I had to follow you didn't I? Look at the mess you've gotten us both into, when they find out they'll have my head as well. You should have listened to me, the story would still have had a satisfactory end without this chapter, I assure you.

Well now that we're into this together, we should hurry and move along. I don't think it'll be long before they find out come to get us.

No, there's no chance of getting away, why would you ask such a foolish question. I suppose we could hide here, but Dorf is bound to leave again, and I know that you will follow.

Certificate be damned? Indeed. Now you'll never get one.

In the pure whiteness that follows, Dorf has a flashing thought that the doctor has finally got rid of him. But it dissolves with the whiteness. Welcome to the 343^rd dimension. You will not leave unchanged. 

Dorf walks along a road of golden bricks floating in a stream of infinite color. The stream does not wash him away however, there is a transparent barrier arcing over the road that the stream washes over. Dorf looks through this glass like substance and sees that the rainbow stream is made up of millions of individual shapes.

Each shape is unique. Fractal, shapes that are extrapolated outwards from repeating pattern. The shapes seem to grow, without ever growing, or to shrink without ever shrinking, changing colors and cycling back upon themselves. Some flow away into the distance, but others hover near, banging against the glass as if they were sharks in an aquarium trying to devour the watchers behind the glass.

Why do they seek after Dorf?

Then as Dorf watches, something resonates in him, and he understands. The endless ocean of shapes is the dimension of mind, a stream of consciousness, and each shape is an idea. Some of the ideas attract each-other, and they soar off together, while others refuse to merge, pulling off in different directions. And then one shape stands out from the rest as it moves towards Dorf. It is a shape that Dorf recognizes, a shape that already exists within him. As it vibrates, the idea occurs to Dorf,

What if I was human?

And the reflection in the glass changes. Facing Dorf is a human...small like a child, or a dwarf. Dorf looks down at his hand and sees that it is covered with smooth skin. He grasps at his face and feels the pinch, he feels a little beard cropping out, he pokes his eyes and cries out, he covers his ears and hears silence.

More ideas are collecting at the glass, coming together now, fusing into a single glowing being, a shape too incomprehensible to describe, a kaleidoscope of colors and ideas so that if you look at it from one angle, you see the concept of math, and from another the idea of warmth, and still another the blueprints for a life-form, an endless array of thought.

It phases through the glass, so that Dorf must pull away to make room.

The thoughts it casts out echo in the glass chamber.

It's our honor to have guests such as you today, especially Mr.Dorf.

Are they aware of us as well?

Theo Wize has sought this realm for so long, but instead his protoge appears. We thought it might be so.

Dorf stammers, “How..am I human? Is this what it is to be alive? To feel...”

Dorf, you were never wrong. You were always human, only you weren't biological. In this place we grant you your wish, but take note. The only difference between you and humans is a matter of biology.

The humans have it wrong, the brain does not create ideas. Ideas created the brain, they created the body, the universe. Robots are only created differently. Humans and robots both are just vehicles, avatars, homes for the ideas here. They are a place for ideas to manifest, to become real. So that they can feel, and touch, and act...so that we can matter.

It begins with the multiverse. There are an infinite number of universes, but they can be divided in to two basic kinds. Some are universes of thought, of awareness, and other universes are physical, static, uniform.

When these two kinds of universes meet, a new kind is born. The physical universe is set afire with ideas and change. The universe where you were created was once a uniform fabric called space. It was made of infinite numbers of a single tiny particle...

And so we sowed the seeds of life. We moved the particles, stretched them out and set them vibrating, from this particle, neutrons and protons, quarks, and atoms, heat and motion was born. Space became Space-Time. From this instant the universe you know began to expand violently, forming oceans of stars and planets, until finally life emerged.

Having shaped the universe, the way was paved for bacteria, for organisms, animals and birds, and finally humans. Each an entirely unique vessel to be filled, perfectly shaped for the idea that desired it.

So you see, all forms of life are unique, but equal vessels, for each is designed for a different soul, for different thoughts, Each is a puzzle piece in the grand whole, paving way for an even greater finale.

Dorf, we seek to set the universe alive with intelligence, to create an entity which is both infinite thought and infinite matter. 

There is a war here, in this universe, and we are at war with many others. Not all ideas are the same. The conflicts between humans and robots that you have seen are a mere reflection of the infinite war waged here. Their death is no true death, for the ideas simply need to manifest again.

Still, there is a more permanent death that we fear. Every time we shape a physical universe, sow the seeds of life in it, it loses its immortality. It stretches on for aeons, before finally collapsing upon itself and ceasing to exist.

Our plane also shall soon die out, and thus we move from plane to plane, in order to survive. Your universe is the next, and we hope it is the last home we shall ever need.

But as long as this internal strife continues...we cannot all hope to pass through. Human intelligence, and machine intelligence are both equally important. We needed something that could combine the two. 

And so we found Dr.Wize. And in the mind Dr.Wize, we planted the subconscious ideas that formed you.

Yes Dorf. That hand, that biological hand is yours, but the metal hand is also, you are one of us. A collection and fusion of ideas. You are special then, for you are a vehicle driven by both machine thought and human thought.

When you return, your body will be machine, but there will be a human spirit also.

Then some of the shapes detach from the magnificent being, fractals that spiral smaller, and smaller, in upon themselves, and by the time they hover in front of Dorf's eyes they are mere pinpoints of light, and by the time they fly into his brain, they are invisible entirely.

These are gifts for you. Seeds that will blossom when you need them, some sooner than others, and all only when the time is right. As they grow, so shall you, and as you grow, you will become a being beyond your own imaginings.

One of these gifts shall blossom as soon as you cross through the gate...the seed of the warrior.

There is danger in the laboratory, Dorf. You have to return now. Do not hesitate or many shall suffer, and our goals will never be achieved!

Return Dorf, before it is too late.

Episode 11: Finale

Dorf returns to the sound of the signal he had heard from the window in the labyrinth. The signal he had heard in his head. Only now it is all around him. Destroy the humans, destroy the humans. Dorf puts it out of his mind, he looks down briefly at his hands, metallic again, and strangely senseless. The doctor is not here, but the computer station has been turned over and scattered in pieces across the floor. Dorf leaps down from the gate and dashes through the laboratory. He's faster, too fast, his own speed surprises him and he cannot help but crash through the doorway.

The heavy metal door is ripped from it's hinges smashing into the wall with a dramatic BANG and Dorf comes cartwheeling out into the hallway. He is momentarily startled when he sees his old nemesis, the giant spider running along towards him...except there's about ten of him, and one of these eyed-eyed clones currently has Muse by the neck and is slamming her repeatedly against the wall.

Seeds that will blossom when you need them. The seed of the warrior.

Fury is alien to Dorf, but a divine fury blossoms deep within Dorf's soul and his eyes glow a violent red. Within a second Dorf has dashed thirty yards, he has also brought the heavy door with him, and he swings it so fast and hard that it is a blur of motion that shatters the spider like glass.

Muse slides to the floor, dumfounded, when Dorf just as easily dismantles the other spider-bots.

“Muse! What's happening!?” Muse doesn't respond, Dorf drags her to her feet. “Tell me now!”

Muse comes to..”It's Zerox, he..he..has some sort of blaster. I watched him destroy them one by one..Gopher, Extra..but not Oddesa, she helped him. And Neighbor too! Neighbor had the doctor by the throat. He was dragging him into the labyrinth!”

Dorf cannot believe what he is hearing, but he doesn't stop to think about it. “Which way, Muse? Quick!”

“That way!” Muse points out, as he struggles to keep with Dorf who instantly blitzes off.

But by the time they find Neighbor, his parts are already rolling across the ground; the doctor is huddled behind Alice, who with her considerable bulk is fending off several spider bots.

Dorf charges into the melee, and he leaps several yards, his flying metal kick landing squarely into a group of eyes shattering them and the CPU beneath. Ripping off one of the arms and using it like a sword, he hacks and hammers the others to bits.

“What's up?” Dorf says.

The doctor snaps out of his reverie. “We have to get to the ships! More are coming!”

And indeed, many more were, so many that the ground rumbled with their coming, pouring down the long hall were a fleet of spider-bots, using the walls and ceiling as well so that they might jostle each-other more comfortably.

“Where are the others?” Alice asks.

But another brilliant question Alice, my hat is off to you.

I'm sad to tell you that out of the others. Only Prometheus has survived. Huddled against the wall, surrounded by Zerox, Olan, Geo, and our dear enemy, the monster of the labyrinth.

It stares Prometheus in the face, it's dead voice ringing out. “Why do you speak such obscenities? Has your brain been hacked? Why resist the voice?

Prometheus looks up. “Why should I bother to listen to the voice?”

“You listened before...You killed even more than me...”

“And look where it has gotten me, Velius. I'm done killing. Dismantle me if you please, life has become rather boring if you ask me.”

But Velius isn't given the chance. For our heroes arrive. Prometheus speaks up. “You know, the shipbay is the other way.”

“We've come back for you.” Says Alice.

“Well you've cracked your head, because I seriously doubt whether any of us are getting away now.” Replies Prometheus.

Zerox turns to Dorf. “I've been looking everywhere for you.” He pulls out a blaster, and aims it at Dr.Wize. “Theo.”

“Zerox.” Dr.Wize spits out. “Finally sick of my old bones? Treachery coming easy to you?

“Hah, I admit, it was my fault we were marooned here. But if you were a bit more capable, the mutiny would have gone as I planned.”

“Well, this mutiny seems to be working out for you.”

“There are no traitors among pirates.”

“But we were friends, Zerox.” Alice speaks up.

Zerox can only laugh, and laugh he does. He then points the blaster at Alices head and pulls the trigger.

“Odd.” Zerox says, when nothing happens. “Well, that would explain it. My hand is missing.” Wondering where it is, he looks down and sees Dorf. 

Dorf is in fact holding Zerox's hand, having recently detached it from the end of Zerox's arm, blaster and all. Dorf picks out the blaster and aims it back at Zerox.

“What does this do?” Dorf asks.

“Pull the trigger and find out.” Locus suggests, from inside Alices trunk.

“Locus?” Dr. Wize asks curiously.

Pew! Pew! Pew!

Dorf has pulled the trigger. Nothing is surprising to anyone any more, so they are not surprised that a three smoking black holes are all that remain of Zerox, Olan, and Geo. Dorf is a crack-shot, apparently. He turns to the monster and points it at the eight shimmering eyes.

But an earthquake of noise is coming, rattling the walls. Streaming into the area are hundreds of red-eyed machinations.

“RUN!” Dr.Wize advises. Dorf drops the blaster and they all take Dr.Wize's recommendation. Dorf yanks Prometheus along.

Alice leads them hurtling through the halls to the scarcely used ship-bay. Nipping at their heels are the monstrous machinations, who Dorf must turn to fight at times, so as to keep the frontrunners from catching his friends. All the while, the nightmarish signal keeps battering at his conscious Destroy the humans, destroy the humans.

All that matters to Dorf now, is saving his family. Finally the ship-bay is in site, they leap through, slam the door behind them, where Alice piles on to try and keep it closed. Dr.Wize hobbles towards the large ship,a green flying saucer, he shouts a command and an elevator detaches from the bottom.

“ALL ABOARD!” The doctor shouts.

“I can't really leave the door.” Alice points out.

Dorf has it covered. As the others scramble aboard the retracting elevator, Dorf meets the swarming robots, disengaging himself from the melee just in time to leap into the small opening that remains.

When the saucer flies out of the little moon, some of the spider-bots are still clinging on for dear life.

However, after they hit mach-5 the last one goes off spinning, it's ultimate trajectory aiming squarely at a passing meteor.

Within the single-roomed saucer, there is an atmosphere of great relief. Alice, Prometheus, Muse, Locus, and Dorf, all seem somewhat jealous of the doctors ability to pant it all off. Now, that they have lost their home. They must seek a new one, and they have the entirety of space to do it in.

They look down at Dorf with great respect.

“You know, I think he's the best thing I've ever built.” Dr.Wize says.

“Not stupid at all, actually.” Alice pitches in.

“I'm proud you're my little brother.” Muse adds.

“What they said.” Is all Prometheus can think of.

“Nice to meet you.” Says the detached head that is Locus.

Dorf turns, smiling is robot smile at each of them, passing out free hugs. Finally, Dorf approaches you, the viewer, looks up and asks. “Aren't you going to say anything?”

What? Is he talking to you?

“I saw you there, in the other dimension...”

Did he see you? Can he see you? This is bad. We've made a mistake...it's not supposed to happen this way. The timelines, think of the timelines, of the Timelines! Think, Think of...

Static consumes your vision and a violent ring pierces your ears. Then blackness.

Epilogue

Your awareness is ripped from the past through thousands of years. By the time it returns to your skull your vision swims and your body trembles. Lurching upwards, out of the chair, you stumble to the ground and vomit.

Powerful hands lift you to your feet. Hands of shining liquid metal, so cold they chill your nerves. Looking up, you are hemmed in by enormous reflective beings. The guardians.

You have violated the law of the universe. Travel to dimensions other than the first four is forbidden. Your punishment would have simply been banishment, we would have erased your existence.

Unfortunately, you have also violated another law. A deliberate interaction with historical entities. Because of this, the timeline has generated contradictions, inconsistencies.

You have abused your privileges. However, we will need you in our efforts to remedy the situation. Consider your freedom lost.

And they drag your limp body out of the home you will never see again.

But to where, who knows?